Friday, June 19, 2015

Today, I tried to clean the kitchen. The result was: Nope.

Early this morning, there was a spider in the bathroom. It was on its back and I thought it was dead so I got some tissue paper and flung it a little bit. I was trying to pick it up but I got scared and that's how I ended up flinging it. A little bit.

Then, I went and got a studier form of paper, thinking to scoop it.  But when I went to scoop it, touching a corner of the paper to its spider rear-end (Do spiders have what one would call a rear-end in the conventional sense? Surely they don't have butt cheeks? How does the end product of spider digestion exit? Wait. Wait. Are webs spider-poop???) and the spider moved one of its forelegs.

It was terrifying, but I took this small sign of life as a good omen for my day.

That's because I don't talk spider language.

Because, in reality, the spider was portending bad things:

Toilet spider says: Today, you will BLEED!

I went about my day, walked my 3 miles before it got hot as Satan's wife's hair do, and then I decided to clean the kitchen because that is my cleaning chore for today.

But nope.

Nope:


Nope:

Nope:


That ain't all sauce on my leg, sugar dumplings. The glass exploded on the floor and some shards popped up and cut my leg and my toes.

But it's okay.  I'm alright. And the kitchen's clean.  Sort of.

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