Monday, June 22, 2015

Joey Gets Groomed: A DIY Poortorial

Several years ago, a little dog ran up to me in the parking lot of my mama's apartment complex and mama named him Joey* and now she has a little dog.

Joey has curly hair that gets real scraggly and knotted as it grows, so I got the Big Idea to cut all his hairs off before I bathed him Saturday.

It went pretty well, so I figured I would write a tutorial for ya'll other people out there who have a dog that needs its fur cut off but can't afford the expense of professional grooming right now.

Note: In case the context clues haven't broken through, let me iterate: I am not a professional.  At anything.  I have scissors. That is all. Do not do this at home if you have some sort of problem with dogs, or scissors, or shampoo or towels or shaky hands or if your dog doesn’t like it or if you have the money just pay and let the pro do it, okay?

That said...

How to Groom Your Dog

You will need:

- a dog (pictured)
These bangs are in my eyes.

- scissors
- clothes you don't want to wear in public
- courage

Optional (if you plan to bathe the dog):
- dog shampoo
- dog conditioner
- a sink with a spray hose
- a towel
- multiple towels
- all the towels you own

Step 1:
Secure the dog in your lap.

Step 2:
Act like you aren't going to do anything special. Don't get nervous about it because dogs can sense suspicious real good. Just act non-chalant.  But not weird non-chalant. 

Step 3: Begin cutting the dog's fur. Start somewhere that they don't know what you're doing. I started with the back of the neck and shoulders. Not their butt. Dogs are real concerned about what is happening with their butt, so if you start there it might not get finished. Trim their rear-end fur last. 

Step 4: Persevere through squirming to cut all of the dog's fur. Don't cut the actual dog, just its fur. It's going to wiggle so you just have to be more determined to cut all its furs than it is to wiggle. You get to bend a lot. My yoga classes helped. 

Step 5: Briskly wipe the dog down to get all the little cut fur hairs off of it. The furs that are on you will not come off (pictured). I told you not to wear public-clothes. You have to take them off and put them in the washing machine and put something else on. 

Step 6: Place your dog in the sink. Wash your dog. Have a towel nearby.

Step 7: Dry off your dog and enjoy your new, clean dog with shorter fur (pictured).

Note: It will stare at you like this.  

* I remember naming him Joey but mama says she named him Joey and it is still a point of contention that we have not yet ironed out so I just let it be and note the backstory with an asterisk. 

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