Sunday, May 18, 2014

Moment That I Wish Molly and I Could Talk English With Each Other #547:

When I don't realize that she's on the couch and I kick her in the face.

Why'd you kick me in the face like that?

The picture above was taken moments after she was kicked in the face.  I wanted to capture the look I was getting in response to my profuse apologies and pettings.  Molly!  I didn't know you were there!! Oh my gosh!  I kicked you in the face honey!

But she didn't understand.  Because she doesn't talk English. 

You aren't going to do it again are you?

So I can only pet her and kiss her and take pictures of her and fashion captions that are probably nowhere near what she is thinking.  If the ASPCA can do it for their Sarah McLachlan commercials, I can do it.

But, I like to think if we could talk English with each other, the conversation would actually go like this:

*muffled face-kicking noise*

Me:  Oh my gosh!  Molly!

Molly: BITCH! the fuck is wrong with you?!

Me: I didn't know you were --

Molly: You kicked me in the face, you fucking cow!

Me: I'm so sorry, honey...

Molly:  Fat ass size 9 feet.  Have you seen your shoes lately?  Your feet are expanding like continents after the ice age.  What is wrong with you?  Can you not contain them?  And those corns!! Jesus!

Me: I'm....I'm sorry....*aghast, starting to tear up*....I can't find shoes wide enough...

Molly:  No one's ever going to marry you. *curling her paws underneath her chest*  Ever. 

Me: I'm sorry...

Molly:  Shut up.  I'm going back to sleep now. 

My sweet kitty.

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