Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Stop it. 

It isn't cool that you approach me when I'm alone.  It isn't cool that you approach me at night, in the dark, on the way out to my car.  Even if there are people around.  I'm alone.  You, one man, are approaching me, one woman.  For stuff.  You want a hand-out, you want help, you want me to watch your bicycle, you're my coworker who wants a hug, you want me to buy your vaccum, you want to stop me during my daily jog to ask me to donate to your charitable organization so that the judge will look favorably upon you in your time of probation (really, all this shit has happened to me).  I'm tired of it.

Men shouldn't approach lone women.  Not for help.  Not to sell stuff to them.  Not to ask for donations. 

I'm a feminist.  I believe in women.  I believe in women's strength and power and ability. This isn't about chivalry.  This isn't about me secretly or subconsciously or sub-text admiting to the idea that women are inherently, biologically weaker than men and thus should be treated like snowflakes.  This isn't about me being a bitch ballbreaker one minute and a pillow princess the next.  This isn't a mixed message.  I am being very clear.

This is about the sad reality.  This is about being fully aware of that reality.

The reality?  The reality is that, even though the various and continued feminist movements over time have done a shitload to curb it, violence still exists in this fucked world.  Men are still raping, as they have for a very, very long time.  Men are still violent, as they have been for a very, very long time.

I know that not-all-men are violent.  I know that not-all-men are rapists.  I'm aware that you may not be either of these things.  You may just be a decent guy. 

disproportionate number of your sex, though, has literally been raping and pillaging, for many many years, their way to the current situation where any woman in her right mind would initially have a healthy level of tripedation and suspicion toward any given Random Dude, or sometimes even Intimate Dude, if he acts wrong.  This is called gut.  This is called instinct.  This is called women's intuition.  This is called self-preservation.  Sometimes, it doesn't rule in your favor.  But so be it.  Chickens roost. 

And until we live in a society where women aren't physically hurt by men any more, or aren't hurt at a rate MUCH much greater than women hurt anything, ever, then you, Random Dude, and you too, Intimate Dude, are totally suspect if you do something out of line or weird like approach us when we are alone, or show in some way that you have the capacity for violence.  Sorry to treat you like a creep.  Sorry to be so skittish.  Sorry to be a bitch.  Sorry to overreact. 

Sorry that dudes have totally ruined Craigslist, and the local bar. 

Sorry that most serial killers are men.  Sorry that most rapists are men.  Sorry that most domestic assaults are acted out by men.  Sorry that men do a lot of awful, bad shit to women.

But those are just the facts, sir. 

And besides the risk of violence to my person, I'm just simply tired of your need.  Your need for a few bucks for food, your need to sell me something, your need for whatever.  I'm tired that you choose to inflict it on me, a woman.  I fucking know what that's about.  I know you count on us to be the fairer sex - to be polite, and kind, and an easy take.   Stop it.  You are part of the problem.  Even if you don't rape us or kill us, if you use us in this way, you are perpetuating the whole damn thing as well. 

What can you do to make it better?

Glad you asked.

Unless you have something to offer me, other than your dick, or your sales pitch, leave me. the fuck. alone. 

That's just the way it be's these days. 


Kyle said...

I think this is the kind of thing that should be taped up in men's rooms... or anywhere they might read it, on purpose or accidentally.

Well said.

Amber said...

Oh my God, I just saw your comment! Thank you! And why isn't Blogger letting me know I have comments?