Thursday, February 4, 2010

Snowman's Sleepy Hollow

It's a little eerie how sometimes things intersect in my life.

A few days ago, I watched Sleepy Hollow (with the delicious Johnny Depp and delightful Christina Ricci). A few days after that, I went for a long overdue walk in the neighborhood. I passed a few snowmen and enjoyed them immensely (we had around 5 - 6 inches of snow fall last weekend - not since I was a wee young one, during the last freak snow storm of my life, have I been around this much snow). I went for a walk again today after work. I forgot about the snowmen until I came across them again.

This time, they had no heads.

The first one, I came up on it and saw the headlessness. It was sort of funny in a "oh, that isn't a real human being so I can laugh" sort of way, in a "kids are going to cry when they see it but I'm an adult and I think its funny-looking and therefore funny" sort of way. Then, as I continued to pass it, I noticed something disconcerting. This wasn't just a head having melted off with warmer tempatures - the head was laying on the ground at the feet of the snowman, which led me to suspect foul play.

You may think I'm crazy. Any number of things could have happened. It could have melted a little and rolled off. It could have, but I submit this to you:

There was another snowman, a few houses down, missing its head. That head, too, was on the ground at its feet.

Obviously, we have a serial snowman slayer in our neighborhood.

Consider the facts:

The heads are off.

The heads are both on the ground.

Clincher - the heads are both on the right side of the snowman.

Even if both heads melted and rolled off, would they really both hit the ground at the same trajectory?

Is trajectory the right word? Did I spell that right?

I really need the sexy one from Criminal Minds - no, not that one, the one with the longish, curly-ish hair and photographic memory, brown eyes - to come do an "unsub" profile, but I'll try to do my best.

Unsub is a young male or group of young males living in the neighborhood. Unsub is comfortable with his surroundings and has potentially even been in the houses of the victims or come over to their yards to play. Unsub fears no retribution as his victim is a snowman and not a real person. Also and however, unsub is a future psychopath who may move on to human victims soon. Unsub has a mean streak, may not get along with siblings very well - may, for example, pinch or hit them during church. Unsub makes bad grades in school except for when teachers get tired of him and pass him on. Unsub had tantrums as a child and often a vein sticks out of his neck or forehead when he gets mad, which is often. Unsub has an evil laugh, if you notice it. Unsub's teeth did not come in straight. Unsub picks on fat kids and is generally a bully. Unsub wears a brown coat in the winters and short sleeves in the summer. Unsub has sandy brown hair but is otherwise non-descript.

Please be on the look-out.

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