The night before last I delayed getting my Seroquel refilled and laid wide awake most of the night. I finally drifted off around 4 a.m., then woke up again a little after 6 a.m. because M got up to go on a business overnight. Because M was gone last night, I didn't sleep very well, even with the S.
So, I am discouraged about my little plan to get off the S. I'm clearly going to need a replacement, which I knew - I cannot sleep without a drug, as was proven again last night and several hellish times before that - call it rebound insomnia from stopping Seroquel or whatever you want to call it, the last time I went for a period without sleep I ended up in the looney. Lack of sleep is not good for the mentally ill, double that for someone suffering from a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system.
So yesterday I felt like shit warmed over, with hot flashes and weakness and nausea and sweating and shaking hands on and off all day. I lost my lunch shift, and even though it was reportedly completely dead at the restaurant, I did not need to lose that shift.
Today, commence with the feeling of shit-ness, plus my cognitive functioning was disturbed beyond its normal. I showed up to the wrong location to work today (I work two restaurants within the same company). Then I forgot that I hadn't gotten gas yesterday, so, already late, I had to stop and get gas first, except I didn't have any cash, so I had to use my debit card which I am trying not to use. I'm trying not to use the bank at all except for necessities because I am clearly not financially savvy enough to use it (see previous post concerning late fees). I have created an envelop labeled "Amber's bank" wherein I keep my money, with records of deposits and withdrawals on the envelope. Seems stupid, but, for me, it is much more simplified and I am a lot less likely to overdraft and get charged with late fees, as I doubt I will charge myself with late fees, besides you can't overdraft cash. Hey, it worked for a time during the Depression Era, when I am told that they kept their money under their mattresses. Anyway, I left my Envelope Bank of Amber's Cash at home and had to use my card.
After I arrived at the restaurant, cognitive dysfuntion continued, and I made several (small) stupid mistakes, including taking the wrong ticket to a table. The customer signed the ticket and left. The manager said she would fix it, and I gave up my tip due to the mistake. The lady's bill was actually around twenty dollars more than the ticket she signed. I figure she's not going to be happy with that, so I didn't want to push it with the tip. She should have looked at the ticket more closely, though - doesn't everyone check their ticket?, not just blindly sign it?, then again she might have thought that that relatively small amount of money for that large amount of food - there were three people - was a pretty good deal, so she signed the damn thing and left. I would like to think that she didn't do this on purpose - that she didn't just realize the mistake and, instead of being honest, decide to take advantage of it. I hope that she was just very trusting of me to give her the right ticket and charge the correct amount and/or didn't care what the charge was, or was having similar cognitive dysfuntion to myself.
I have to go eat and go in for my second shift. Blah.
Oh, but I got another "WOW!" button today over at the other steakhouse and they said that they wish they had more employees like me.
Even with all my gooberness.
But that's because I'm a damned hard worker, also I am nice.
I wish I wasn't a goober, though. I'm trying to work on that.
Actually, I'm quite smart.
We'll discuss the topic of idiot savant later.